[ yikes yikes yikes. The onlything good I can say about his response is-- he'd been tempted to spit venom but held back. But not even for a great reason.
And as he steps off the ship he realizes how out of depth in all of this he feels. He hadn't had any real relationships in so long that he's entirely with out the mental or emotional resources to deal with this. He's not even sure what this is.
And as he wanders past the lanai and into the dim little hut his traitorous mind wonders if this is why she wanted him to hold off. If they were truly designed to just bring each other pain. After all, this is what his parents had done. Argued with one another and butted heads and hurt each other until one day his father didn't come back home.
Worse yet it had ultimately been over him.
He slumps back into the bundle of blankets and the sparse few pillows and glances at the datapad Rey brought him. He nearly picks it up before guilt eats at him and suddenly he just feels.
Tired.
He wonders if he should apologize, but it would ring hollow and he knows that. Not because he doesn't have things he needs to apologize for, but because he doesn't know what to apologize or how to apologize given she doesn't want to discuss it.
So-- he lays down and studies the room from where he lay. Trying to find peace when his mind is in conflict with itself. His eyes do close after some time and his mind drifts. But no where peaceful.
The arguing of his parents, the Falcon growing smaller on the horizon, Snoke's voice-- Snoke's touch, the face of Luke that night-- the taste of leather. ]
no subject
And as he steps off the ship he realizes how out of depth in all of this he feels. He hadn't had any real relationships in so long that he's entirely with out the mental or emotional resources to deal with this. He's not even sure what this is.
And as he wanders past the lanai and into the dim little hut his traitorous mind wonders if this is why she wanted him to hold off. If they were truly designed to just bring each other pain. After all, this is what his parents had done. Argued with one another and butted heads and hurt each other until one day his father didn't come back home.
Worse yet it had ultimately been over him.
He slumps back into the bundle of blankets and the sparse few pillows and glances at the datapad Rey brought him. He nearly picks it up before guilt eats at him and suddenly he just feels.
Tired.
He wonders if he should apologize, but it would ring hollow and he knows that. Not because he doesn't have things he needs to apologize for, but because he doesn't know what to apologize or how to apologize given she doesn't want to discuss it.
So-- he lays down and studies the room from where he lay. Trying to find peace when his mind is in conflict with itself. His eyes do close after some time and his mind drifts. But no where peaceful.
The arguing of his parents, the Falcon growing smaller on the horizon, Snoke's voice-- Snoke's touch, the face of Luke that night-- the taste of leather. ]