Welcome one. Welcome all. I have brought all of you here today to say that YOU WERE LIED AND DECEIVED BY THE FORCES OF HOLLYWOOD AND UNCHECKED CAPITALISM. 'How?' You ask. And yes. I shall answer. It is simple:
The ending of the Rise of Skywalker was wrong
Wait. Excuse me. WHAT THE FUCK?
You read correctly, dear friends. Someone fucked with the editing of Rise of Skywalker and it changed the entire ending of the movie. It changed the characterization of three key characters and it's clear this was against the creator's wishes. I'll be breaking this down into a few key sections. What were the changes, Why I believe these changes were made (and made last minute), and do I consider this ending more or less canon then the theatrical ending. So. JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE FRIEND
The plot changes/editing change
It's fairly simple. They changed Leia's role in the plot, this changed the entire direction of the last few minutes of the movie. Let me break the timeline down
โ Deathstar fight on the ocean still happens, Ben is distracted by Leia reaching out to him. She either still enters her "disappointment son" coma here, or perhaps simply just reaches out to him.
โ From here, the plot continues as normal. Ben and Rey both get to the sith rave separately.
โ Rey Dies
โ Ben Revives her and dies.
โ Leia chooses THIS MOMENT to die and give her life to her son
โ Ben is revived. He and Rey kiss.
โ Move to conclusion
WHAT EVIDENCE DO I HAVE THESE CHANGES WERE MADE (and at the last moment)
Take in note, my evidence is circumstantial, but circumstantial evidence still counts as proof
โ Leia's final role in the movie is insanely unclear. She also takes 12 hours to actually die or something. Again. Confusing
โ Ben's final words, as of this moment, are "OW". Adam Driver said he was nervous about his final dialogue in the movie to the point he stressed about it on the flight over. And. Man. IDK about you but OW seems a little unstressful to say
โ There was no Force Ghost Ben, a decision that is baffling story wise. It would take any competent VFX team hardly any effort to throw a ghostly adam driver next to Leia and Luke. And this would be advantageous to add to the plot if Ben was going to die, give that final bit of closure to the Skywalker fam.
โ Rey's near LACK of emotion over his death. Go watch her realize she has to leave Ben behind in TLJ and tell me that the difference isn't noticeable. It's completely against her character.
โ The weird beats of Leia going into her disappointment son coma and the other strange beats of Ben's death. Especially the fact that you only see him disappear in like. one shot.
โ None of the cast thought he was going to die
โ Wow I wonder why Adam Driver is adamant about never wanting to do star wars at this point?
โ Wow, why does disney keep resetting the character poll of who is the most anticipated character of this movie????
โ The prophecy about Ben's death is completely unnecessary at this point. If it was brought up during TFA, it's understandable to put that thread there. Instead it's in the last movie when his death seems to be a foregone conclusion???
โ So Rey's fine for Luke and Leia even tho she's palpatines kid, but Luke and Leia don't seem all that bothered by Ben's death??????
โ This was supposed to be Leia's film and complete her arc. And while I understand that there was a lack of footage to use for her, it's odd that she ended up not playing much of a role beyond "Distract Ben so he gets stabbed ig"
โ Every single hole in characterization for Luke, Leia, and Rey, every strange beat that didn't really make sense in Ben and Rey's fight on the ocean and during their ??? Mutual deaths???? and the some how rushed and dragged on ending can be solved by a simple solution. Occam's razor, Ben was never meant to die permanently.
โ The fact that there was no final dialogue for Ben after his talk with his father suggests he had something significant to say after his resurrection
โ The fact that they didn't have a cut of Rey absolutely LOSING HER MIND over losing to, what amounts to, the other half of her soul suggests that she was never supposed to lose him permanently
โ The fact that there is no Ben Ghost means that they didn't have the time to slip that in before pushing it out to theaters
โ The way the final scenes with Rey are shot and edited are, again, weird, off balance. It seems like it ends WAY TOO QUICKLY and far too on the nose.
โ no but really guys. His final words are "OW"
โ As for WHO changed it, because of the fact that this is clearly an edit job done at the last minute? I'm putting my money on a CEO that is above Kathleen Kennedy and JJ Abrhrams. I think their hands are tied ATM. This is the ending that had been planned for, this is the ending they wanted, otherwise there would not be such big holes that felt weird and dishonest to the characters. And, like, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo was JJ's child, he wouldn't have done him dirty like this.\
THEATRICAL ENDING/TRUE ENDING
I'm sure opinions would be divided on which ending is canon depending on the person. The theatrical ending will be what's considered canon in the universe of star wars at large. For myself, I find it hard to deny the creators and filmmakers the right to present the story they wanted to tell. So, in that way, both endings are true for me. Though, I am biased-- both as someone who is an artist myself and someone who adores Kylo Ren's/Ben Solo's character-- I like the story the film team were trying to tell over the agenda that whoever pushed for these changes had. Personally, I believe it pushes Star Wars as a universe forward into new territory rather than keep it stagnant in the same old same old that it's always been. Plus. this maintains the integrity of Luke, Leia, and Rey's characters, Ben was never forgotten, far too gone, or unloved. Leia gave him one final gift, a second chance.
That said, I'm not pushing this ending on anyone. I won't be playing it by default. I would rather ask permission or have someone else bring it up.
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literaldumpsterfire2020-01-04 09:58 am
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They definitely don't get a say right now, with Ben doing that sucking thing that draws a soft noise from her throat. It's so, so easy to get lost in this. This moment. This feeling of greedy lips and tongues exploring one another and her hands in his hair and having to stop and remind herself how breathing is supposed to work. It's so easy to let the world narrow down to just Ben and her and nothing else.
She wonders, in some dim distant place beyond thought, if everything with him is so heightened because of the dyad or if knowing that would even matter. It's not a question she particularly wants to examine now.]
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Cool. Well. It was nice having some early tween make out session time. Lord knows Ben Solo never got even this far. But he's all about being an over achiever, so, don't mind him as his grip on her waist and neck tightens and he flips their positions. Him hovering over her and pressing her down into the bunk.
Lando and BB-8 would like to pop into my bracket text and say this is the exact bullshit they predicted so they deserve a "good looking out" reward. But that is besides the point.
The point being, right now he's changed the trajectory of his mouth, dragging his lips over her jaw and down to her neck. Any thought of the others about to walk straight on to this ship soon is forgotten in favor of exploring the skin of hers he can reach with his mouth. ]
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Rey's small surprised gasp at the sudden change in position is followed by a second or two in which she just... entirely forgets how to function. It's not as though she hasn't enjoyed all the slow, gentle stuff that has come before. They'd both been exhausted, overwhelmed, and trying not to jump directly into bad ideas.
This is probably bad idea territory, especially given how it's much closer to the places she'd let her mind wander the few times she'd allowed herself the sin of considering. What it would be like. Back when they were still supposed to be enemies.
The way she looks at him in that moment of surprise, pupils dilating with need -- it probably reveals a little more of her private imaginings than she'd otherwise be comfortable with. If she were really thinking about it.
Fortunately, she's not, and after she recovers from her initial surprise she's going to ball her fist up in the fabric of his shirt and pull herself up the small remaining distance to meet him, to encourage him to keep doing what he's doing.
She'll let her head fall back to allow him as much access to that spot on her neck that earns him another soft gasp, and tangle her legs around his so no one's going anywhere anytime soon, the rest of the crew be damned.]
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So when her legs tangle with his and she lets her head loll back to give him more access as he softly kiss and sucks at the skin there, he knows immediately the leeway she's granting him. And this isn't helping one iota with any drop of self-control he's had. He'd just underestimated how much his own stubborn denial of what he had felt had pent up and needed to be resolved.
At least??? They're both??? Clothed???? Right now????
But that isn't deterring him. Not as his hand traces delicate lines over her body, first finding purchase at her hip to help her settle against him more comfortably--and then that same hand travels up to grasp at a breast through cloth. Kneading and pinching and just not helping with the whole "self control" aspect, but definitely wanting to know what noises she will make from the contact.
I'm runnin off to disneyland for the rest of the day again but if u wana make Lando pop up next tag I'm A-Okay w that. okAY TIME OT GO ENJOY A CAPITALIST DYSTOPIA BYE]lord I spent 24 hours dealing with sick children pls send help enjoy Disney!
This is... nothing like that, she finds. His touch sends an electric thrill through her that she wants more of, now and as much as possible. She arcs up into him for better contact, and her hand tangles in his hair to drag him back up for another kiss, this one open-mouthed and needy and desperate for more.
...
That she's not going to get right now, because it's at that exact moment that she hears Lando's voice over the ship's comm announcing the arrival of their small party.
Rey nearly screams in frustration and lets loose a string of curses in a number of languages that put Ben's "nerf herder" entirely to shame. Fuck fuck FUCK this is the worst timing in the history of the galaxy, Lando.]
What if I just send more children.
Kind of hilariously wonderful.
A soft short burst of air leaves his lungs in an approximation to laughter. At least he hadnโt gotten that excited yet. Pushing off of Rey is still just. Not great, but his dick hadnโt come to the party yet.
โWe found another Wookiee that has clothes about your size, Ben,โ oh cool. Thanks lando. He didnโt want to actually be wearing clothes at all right now, but cool. Fine. Thanks.
โ and now thereโs the sound of BB-8 rolling around and it seems like he got into Landos way since the next sentence from his mouth is:
โOh, am I interrupting something??โ
KILL HIM.
Donโt worry, Rey. Heโs handling this. He rolls off the bunk and straightens his hair as much as possible before activating the door switch. ]
You have something for me?
[ the shit eating grin on landos face shows he KNOWS he interrupted something.
โMaybe. Depends on how you ask.โ
REY PLEASE MURDER LANDO FOR HIM. BEN IS TRYING TO BE REFORMED AND A GOOD PERSON BUT LANDO IS CLOSE TO D E A T H RIGHT NOW. ]
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Get it together, Rey. You're a Jedi. You're probably not the worst Jedi, but that's the lowest bar in the world.
It's fine. It's fine, she needs to talk to Jannah anyway. Step 1: talk to Jannah. Step two: lose your mutual virginity with your resurrected space boyfriend before either of you die again or anyone has another breakdown.
She hops off the bed and gives her clothes a quick once-over to make sure nothing's obviously too disheveled (thankfully she hasn't bothered with that weird impractical chiffon wrap, which would have just gotten in the way of every last thing she wanted to do on this ship, from fixing things to playing with porgs to whatever she and Ben are gonna get up to eventually.) Then she'll step around BB-8, who is just trying his best to make sure the space kids get at least a small amount of privacy, and address Lando herself.]
"Thank you, Lando. Do you mind if I borrow Jannah for a few minutes?
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โGo right ahead.โ Lando moves to the side to let her through and Ben is just mourning what could have been a really great time.
Once Rey is out of the way Lando just gets this Look that means nothing good for our prince of darkness.
First off, clothes. He did manage to find things in Bens size with the help of Chewbacca. But nothing like what Kylo Ren wore and everything that Han Solo wore. Iโm talking a shirt that just Fits in all the right places. Henley, vest, fitted pants, a belt for holding tools (and a blaster if they ever trust him again), and even a pair of half gloves and this outfit is illegal. Itโs super illegal. Good luck whenever you find him in that shit Rey. Because landos other dastardly plan???
Putting Ben to work as they are still just. Doing repairs on this ship. Which is also where the belt comes in handy. Itโs not just for accentuating is waist!!!!
I think. IDK. Lando has strange priorities.
So take off isnโt for a bit as they are replacing parts and reconnecting wiring(and chewie is feeding his children), and the next time Rey will find Ben... heโs gonna be in the bowels of the ship. Half hanging off a pipe and just. Pacha meme on dat ass tho. CAN JANNAH EVEN RESIST??? ]
writes this high on Nyquil thanks kids for the plague
Then she'll ask Jannah to join her at the bar for a drink and a chat. A peace offering. That she needs to be just the tiniest bit less tense for, okay? Look, don't judge her; it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the galaxy.]
"I know I've been difficult. This must be hard to wrap your head around; please trust me when I say it still is for me, too."
[Jannah nods a little warily, but she seems to slowly relax and listen as Rey continues to talk, and as the alcohol starts to make them both a little less twitchy. Rey does her best to explain the connection that she'd felt - that she's always felt, and the unshakeable sense that Ben Solo had belonged in the Light.]
"Do you remember what made you leave the First Order, just risk everything and go? It's like that. It's what led me to Ben, and what eventually led him back to the Light. We can't undo what he did, but if you'll give him a chance, I believe he'll try to make things as right as possible. We just need a few more people firmly on our side to buy him the time."
Jannah, as it turns out, has had a long talk with Lando about the person Ben Solo had been, and how young he'd actually been around the time Snoke and Palpatine had targeted him. It didn't undo the actions of Kylo Ren, but it put them in perspective. She'd never been specifically targeted by the man and she'd still felt the effects. First Order brainwashing was no joke for anyone involved. But she'd walked away. And she'd been given the room to grow and change. Who was she to deny that chance to another, if he was really serious about it?
"I can't speak for anyone else, but he's Lando's family and your... whatever... so I'm willing to try."
It's all Rey can ask. She offer Jannah a brief, slightly awkward hug of gratitute, puts down her empty glass, and goes off to find out where underneath the ship Ben and Lando have gotten to.
Rey is absolutely, entirely not prepared for the sight of Ben in Han Solo cosplay. Her jaw just drops and she stands there staring in an entirely undignified manner as he sets aside the tool he'd been using and picks up another. And he's just slightly dirty already, but it adds to the overall effect, Rey thinks.]
... Um. Hi.
Rings bell and screams BRING OUT UR DEEEEEEEEEEAD
here you are. this is visual reference to what Ben Solo is currently doing. He got roped into this because Chewbacca is Too large and Lando is Too old and HES YOUNG AND STRONG AND KNOWS THIS SHIP and kill him, he's been digging out porg feathers and tightening screws and bolts and had at least one hydrospanner hit him in the head already and this.
this is why he hates this ship.
Ben makes a noise that could be nearly clocked as a replica of the frustrated noises Han would make. Don't point it out. ]
Hi. [ He can only give her a shrug of acknowledgement and he is doing his very best to maintain a steady hold on this finnicky bullshit in here. Give him a sec and you'll have his full attention Rey. ]
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Rey is torn between just... appreciating the view, and actually offering to help. The frustration just makes him wildly more attractive in this particular context. It is like Han, and that's bittersweet enough that she'll never mention it.]
Do you need another set of hands?
[Rey's just gonna put herself within arms reach so he can ask her for wrenches or whatever. And not at all so she can get a better look at the whole... situation. Nope. Not a bit of checking out going on here.
How is it possible he's this attractive without trying? Utterly unfair.]
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I'm almost finished. [ Strained as he has to stretch and get under something that was a LOT easier to get under when he was ten. And-- Yeah. Okay, no wonder the cooling systems were reading strangely. There definitly was a porg burrow in here that no one managed to find. He's just going to be pulling out more feathers and clearing out and reconnecting a few parts. And this is when he finally glances over his shoulder to Rey who
is staring at him very intently.
huh. ]
Tell Lando and Chewie to try flushing the systems again.
[ He's now gotta get his large ass out of this hole. Unwrapping himself from the tangle he's created as if he were a pretzel and not human. ]
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She takes a minute to appreciate his attempt to extract himself from the space before running off to shout at Lando and Chewie to do as asked.
She's gone for like three seconds. This is URGENT.]
I...
[HOW DO WORDS WORK????]
That is. A look.
[She'll sort of gesture to the whole effect he's currently got going on. She's a little afraid he'll check himself out in a mirror, go "oh no I'm my dad", freak out and remove all of it. But then he won't have on clothes, so, you know. Win-win, really.]
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Lando insists these are the only clothes he could find in my size. [ Said with a disbelieving grunt as he finally pulls himself up and out of the hatch-- and its just a whole bunch of Ben Solo in a henley with partially rolled up sleeves and yeah there's probably a smudge or two of grease on him.
This look is not safe for rey.
Or anyone with two eyesAlso, he knows this is pretty much Han Solo cosplay, he's just refusing to acknowledge that fact. ]
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Another reason it hurts to look at him, honestly. Rey's emotions are still in a very weird place, and it's confusing to, on the one hand, want to drag him back to their room and finish what they'd started but on the other hand kind of want to cry.
It has also occurred to her that if he wants to make some steps toward getting people to mentally separate the image of Kylo Ren from that of Ben Solo, well. This is not a bad way to go.]
It's a nice change from all the black.
[She's trying not to just yell I APPROVE I APPROVE I VERY MUCH APPROVE since it's clear he's not... entirely a fan.]
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Black is easier to match.
[ and I canโt tell if heโs serious or if thatโs a joke. At the very least he doesnโt sound offended or put off. Rey wonโt get much time to ruminate on that as the engines kick into gear and the ship begins take off procedures. ]
We should get back toโ- [ it occurs to him how weird it is to say this as he says it ] โour bunk.
[ yeah. Yeah this is all really kinda weird and surreal. Heโs gonna throw that rag on top of the box filled with tools and make a move to get back to the captainโs quarters.... And that smudge of grease is still on his face. Lmao whoops ]
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Which, you know. She won't. But her boyfriend was Kylo Ren and there's no telling what that guy will do.
With that taken care of, she enters the room behind him and leans against the door once it closes as though she honestly does not trust anyone on this ship not to just come in here to mess with them because it's funny. She's also just... really, really charmed by this Ben. Especially with the smudge on his face. Filthy desert gremlin doesn't care even if she knows he'll hate it.
And, you know. There's gotta be some reasonable way to pick up where they'd just left off, but Rey's not sure what that is so she's just going to ask.]
So. Where were we?
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Excuse him. Rey, you just interrupted an existential crisis as he's slipped off the vest and was starting to get at the gloves and. No seriously Rey. His look is illegal right now. Stance unintentionally mirroring something close to how Han would have stood and his expression... well. Yeah. Just a whole lot of unintentional Han and REY DONT LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH HE LOOKS LIKE HIS FATHER BECAUSEHE'S GONNA JUST BE LIKE "Did you just wanna fuck my dad?"
Speaking of being exactly like his father, here's some dumb shit that only Han Solo would dare say: ]
I have no idea what you're talking about?
[ Kill him. ]
isn't the desire to fuck han solo just part of the galaxy's collective consciousness?
Rey isn't sure if he's fucking with her or if he is just that dense or maybe just seriously averse to getting laid for some obscure reason. Is this payback, somehow, for him having chased after her for so long? Was he just going to mess with her indefinitely until she literally threw him on the bed and tore his clothes off? Like?????
She's pretty sure he's actually attracted to her by now; being able to tell what someone's feeling on a subconscious level all of the time will do that. But she's not as good at digging through the layers of bullshit as he is, and she's been holding back, so there's a tiny sliver of doubt that just serves to annoy her further.
SO.]
You know you look just like your father in that.
[Kill her too.]
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There's just a array of microexpressions which cross his face as he just digests what she said. Like, there's mild confusion, then this sort of 'yeah no duh' annoyance because he rEALIZES this is just exactly what his father would have worn, and then dawning realization that she is fucking with him back and this is just gonna be the status quo.
The Kylo Ren part in him is giving him two conflicting orders. One is to fuck with her further because this is now a game of sexual chicken. And the other?????
Well... the other part just wants to give in to every last instinct he's held back.
Two large steps and he's in front of her, able to snatch up her wrists and just kinda.... Throw her down on the bed. Not like Tossing through the air and more yanking her and bodily pressing her down into the bunk. But it's not gentle lifting into his arms like the (hypothetical/theoretical) prince he is/isn't. ]
What was that?
[ This is why this is some Kylo Ren bullshit and not Ben Solo. ]
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They've been so gentle with one another thus far that it's almost felt as though they're two different people altogether. Their interactions had never been gentle. On some (probably deeply problematic) level this is more comfortable.
And the thrill it sends through her whole body will do more to betray her than the sass she gives back; it's time to turn his stupid questions back around on him. Especially since he's still got her wrists pinned and she's not feeling any need to free herself just yet. She'll just meet his gaze unflinching where he is; if they love one another, it includes the messy fucked up parts just as much as all the rest.]
How long have you wanted to do that?
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In actuality, he is just kind of taking in the sight of her right now. The way her chest moves as she lays prone and looking up at him. The flyaway hairs. Her lips and how they part with each little breath.
He links his fingers into hers, keeping them steady above her head (And now realizing that his gloves are still on) and decides to indulge himself. Because he can never resist being a goddamn prick. ]
How long have you wanted me to do this?
[ His grip tightens as he lowers himself until his mouth can latch on to a breast. Yes. Through the fabric. She's demanding the treatment, she's going to get the full course. Nipping and sucking at the flesh through her shirt, there's gonna be a big ole' wet mark there soon. ]
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And then she'd been training with Leia, and she hadn't dared pursue the line of thought even when it crept in during her meditation sessions; it became a challenge to simply allow the thoughts to come and go without calling any particular attention to it, but one she'd mostly mastered.
And of course none of that is getting explained right now, because she doesn't even get a chance to do the calculations before he's got his mouth on her breast and drawing a little gasped 'oh' half-unwilling from her as she arches up into him and locks her fingers tight with his, encouraging the restraint he's provided and also just sort of... keeping him there, in case he had any stupid ideas of backing off.]
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That look doesn't dissipate when he pulls away from her breast and leans forward to press his lip next to one of her ears, it only strengthens. And Rey will be able to hear the cocky sureness of that demeanor when he speaks low into her ear. ]
Do you think I could make you come while we're both fully dressed?
[ She won't get to contemplate that question very long before he twists and nudges her legs to settle around him, eventually removing one hand from her own and grasping both of her wrists in it's twin. His free hand will trace along her body, down to the flesh of her thigh and behind her knee only to yank her leg so it rests firmly around his waist. This allows him to crawl up on to the bunk with her, entire body engulfing her own as he gets comfortable in sitting over her.
The hand at her thigh doesn't leave, however. He uses it to grip at her more tightly and keep her still-- the purpose of that gesture becomes obvious when he rolls his hips forward, pulling her into to the movement as he makes it. ]
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On the other, her body is being super clear on what it wants right now as her hips move almost of their own accord to press back into his as her innermost muscles involuntarily tighten in response to the idea. She'll have time to get him out of those clothes later and see what it takes to undo him the way he undoes her.]
I think you can do whatever you want to me.
[She's aware of the echo of their first meeting in her answer, and she knows he'll hear it there, too. But this time it's an invitation, the permission she never would have granted him back then. She's been holding herself together for so long; holding so tight to her control. There's something comforting in the idea that with him she doesn't have to. Not here, not like this, not this time.]
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current soundtrack: desire by meg myers. you're welcome.
LMFAO I'm tagging u at an airport gate sO UR WELCOME TOO
ofc now I've just got Lin Manuel Miranda singing you're welcome in my brain gj self
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these icons ruin everything lmfao
you misspelled "enhance the entire experience exponentially"
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remember the good old days when it was just Rey on the verge of a panic attack?
honestly we're all impressed he's kept it together this long
They are a relay race of keeping it together. It's a balance.
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I literally fell asleep halfway through writing this last night lmao
LMFAO. It was your intentions that counted most
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i didn't write this at the dentist, go me
I DIDNT WRITE THIS AT WORK GO US
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hey fam. wanna come rip out my uterus these cramps are killing my vibe
my kids gave me their sore throat. shares advil and general lack of vibe.
Work was being a dick so here I am back
my household had the plague so we all lose
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