Pretentious RP with Kylo page

[vaderstan]

Ben Solo
Kylo Ren

The protein shakes, where are they?

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Prompts&Wishlists&Ships Yes / No / Maybe Texts Prompts Trigger Warnings / Important Soundtrack Aesthetics Contact Me

Prompts&Wishlists&Ships

GENERAL PROMPTS

Redemption arc: Kylo leaving the First Order. Due to either slow burn reasons (Figuring out holy shit I don't want this) or Immediate Issues That Need Solving (Rey's kidnapped, Hux turns on him, etcetc)

Re-adjusting to life in the light/in the Resistance. Whether it goes smoothly or Rough is up to the situation

Early First Order Days. Especially when Snoke was breaking his Ben Solo identity

Ben Solo Pre-First Order

Ben Solo as the most obnoxious Resistance Member idek

Jedi Hippie camp with Luke

BEN AND HIS FAMILY

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

Becoming king of Porgs and other cute creatures and he doesn't understand why

Becoming his father's son

Also being just like his mother

AND ALSO BEING JUST LIKE LUKE

Rey convinces Kylo to come with her and join the Resistance. The resulting tension and rebuilding of trust in him... As well as Jedi training with her

Interactions with his mother, whether it be from the above scenario, or even reaching out through the force

Poe, Finn and the rest of the Resistance reacting to kylo switching sides. Poe hitting on Kylo and having to give him tons of dumb nicknames because Ren only wants his mom and Rey to call him ben

Kylo being a weird Scary Older Brother to the entire Resistance.

Kylo and Anakin. KYLO AND KENOBI

Discussions/threads with Han Luke and Leia- discussion forgiveness and mistakes

Rebuilding the Jedi Order

Post War Threads

Kylo Ren disappears mysteriously from the war after major internal strife causes the downfall of the First Order. Someone comes across Ben Solo in hiding years later

Kylo on Jakku complaining its hot as balls. Look. I don't know. I'm just saying it would be hilarious

Drunk texts are the best don't tell me otherwise

SHIPPY PROMPTS
SHIPS I AM DOWN FOR
Kylo/Rey hands down

If ur sittin there readin this going "Oh no but so many Reys are bugging them I don't wanna be annoying" I don't fucking care TAG ME

Hand touching

I love you. I know.

Forcebond shenanigans. Kylo or Rey reaching out to touch the other while the other one is busy (GOOD SHIT. GOOD SHIT)

Rey getting seriously injured and separated from the Resistance. Her only option is to force time Kylo

Kylo finding Rey on Ahch'to and them fucking around under luke's nose (Forcebond in person who knows)SMUT HUT

FORCEFULLY GIVING REY A BIRTHDAY AND MAKING HER CELEBRATE IT

Snoke tries to kill kylo in front of rey and it doesn't go like he plans

REY IN A GODDAMN DRESS AND KYLO ACTUALLY NOT KNOWING HOW TO REACT AT ALL

CLEANING HER DUMB HOUSE

Forcebond dreaming shenanigans. Especially if Rey or Kylo are stuck in one anothers nightmares.

Rey finding out how bad Snoke really was.

Visiting Ahch'to together

Empress Rey

Empress Rey Working to secretly undermine the first order

Meeting before TFA/in different circumstances

Fighting/sexual tension/beating each other up. u kno

Just re-enact Pride and Prejudice with me

Either one suffering from insomnia and helping the other sleep

Public Sex

Weird DubCon Sex (Rey taking advantage of Kylo I'm freely admitting to my trash)

SHIPS I AM MAYBE ON
Kylo/Poe: I'm not of the fanon that Ben or Poe knew each other as kids. If you want to play that, talk with me first, we'll need to hash out details. If you wanna do hateship, that's fine too. Again. I'd like to be consulted first
Kylo/Hux: This is such a huge maybe it's almost a no. I am not down for fluffy Kylo/Hux. I don't think Kylo or Hux secretly love each other and that takes form in them wanting to murder each other when they walk into a room and see each other. I do not think Kylo wants anything to do with Hux's dick Ever. I only see this happening as Hux taking advantage of Kylo when he's emotionally compromised and unprotected without Snoke keeping Hux in line.
So Kylux is only a "cool lets do it" if you are willing to play out something unhealthy, toxic, with a huge dose of hate and manipulation. Kylo/ANYONE ELSE: Not against pretty much any other ship, but Kylo's a hard dude to ship with for. A lot of reasons. Talk with me first, and I'll see if we can work something out.

CHARACTERS/CROSSOVERS

I'm fine with every and any star wars characters. If you are doing something from the EU I request that you just have enough info in your profile so I know what your character's deal is

AU characters are fine. I'm not really into Gender Bent characters (sorry y'all), again-- I just need info in your profile about the AU (Unless it's discussed w me before hand)

I Herald from disney princess beginnings. Give me all your princesses I think this combo is fucking hilarious

Brienne of Tarth because i'm still laughing about it

God I will add more later. Really just tag me.

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YES / NO / MAYBE

YES

text messages, actionspam, lengthy brackets, prose.

ous/ au/ all us tbh

previous meme or psl continuations / sequels / c&ping a starter i never replied to.

EMOTIONALLY HEAVY BULLSHIT

FLUFF

contact me if i drop a tag you want picked up

Angst

redemption arcs

intense emotionally heavy threads

Smut

general

hurt comfort

Kylo or Rey getting injured

Kylo being a huge fucking brat.

if there's anything you're not sure about, ask!

NO

Rape.

Dull RP.

Taking this character WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

Me doing the work of moving a scene along

rape/non-con. Especially with Kylo as the aggressor (This can be changed with prior discussion and prior threading)

scatophilia, emetophiloa, necrophilia.

gender/sexuality play.

degradation involving racism or ablism.

power-gaming and ooc dick-measuring contests.

AUs with no information

OCs with no information

Maybe

Dub con

torture

killing

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Appearance

APPEARANCEINFOHERE

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Trigger warnings important info

Mental health

I know everyone and their mom with an armchair psychologist degree wants to diagnose Kylo Ren/Ben Solo with whatever mental illness checks all the boxes. I know Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder are two popular illnesses to cite when it comes to his mental health. Along with a healthy dose of citing him as a sociopath/psychopath. However, I'm not going to be using those illnesses/personality disorders in how I play Kylo. While they fit on paper, I don't believe "what's wrong with him" presents in the correct fashion in canon for any one of the above listed issues.

I believe Kylo Ren/Ben Solo is suffering from: Recurring Chronic Major Depression it could be passed down through their family given what we know of Anakin and what happened with Luke; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder From his force powers manifesting with him having little control over it as a kid, from being sent away to Luke after his mother couldn't handle him on her own anymore, from his father leaving one day and never coming back, from having a voice whispering in his head his entire life, from that voice being a predator who preyed on his weaknesses and molded him into what he wanted Ben to be, from Luke Skywalker holding a lightsaber above his head, from abuse after abuse from Snoke, and probably a Ton more. Abandonment issues stemming first from his parents (And quite probably friends he had who left for whatever reason, or bridges he burned on his own) and then just. The entire force tbh. And abandonment issues is where he gets his unchecked rage, he, in canon, is quite literally triggered into a rage whenever he confronts someone who he felt abandoned him, or when he feels rejected or left behind. Finally he is a victim of Brainwashing and indoctrination from Snoke. Snoke is a narcissist who was using Kylo as a means to an end, it's been stated and shown that he was ready to kill Kylo after the Last Jedi since he had become unbalanced and unpredictable. If you don't agree with what I am saying here (Which is fine :) ), then I suggest you don't play with me. I am fairly confident in this being the way I see and play Kylo.

I play him as having triggers. I won't get into the reasoning behind each one, but i'll specify the specifics which come to mind: Abandonment (Perceived or real), his family, loss of control (Physically, emotionally, mentally, through the force)

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Soundtrack

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Aesthetics

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player

name. naima age. 30 timezone. PST discord. nainai#8088 plurk. billnaisciguy code. tessisamess

Comments

[purpose]

[ The laughter that bubbles out of her has less to do with the words themselves and everything to do with his delivery. Leave it to Ben Solo to look so impassive even when he's expressing a desire to make her come until she likely won't be able to stand steadily on her own two legs. ]

We could always start now.

[ And it's here she wriggles, just for emphasis, in that way that is only half-joking and playful because she's certain he needs to recover before that's a possibility. She wouldn't complain if he did take her up on that offer — she is, as he now knows, overeager for sex at all times — but she doesn't suspect that he will, and settles for the more innocent variety of affection she can take from him by mouthing lazily at his jaw. ]

[vaderstan]

[ There's a breathy huff and fortunately he realizes she's joking because-- he's tuckered right now. He wasn't prepared for this to dissolve into fucking. He thought she was upset and was ready to try and EXPLAIN himself??/? Even if it was the Lanai who were the cause of the upset. He needs his rest, he's not a goddamn teenager anymore.

He will tilt his head to the side to give her more access, let her claim every bit of touch and affection from him while she can. Looking around, even in this portion of the hallway he can see the Falcon isn't stocked. She'd have to leave very soon if she wanted to leave him with enough rations to get by on ( He could fish himself, but that would be a funny and sad site, given he wasn't used to living off the land in anyway way shape or form close to Luke or Rey) until she got back.

He tries not to think about it-- her leaving is one anxiety to be sure. But returning to civilization at all has his teeth set on edge as well. There are people who justifiably want his head on a pike, they want him chained up and marched down a street while people scream obscenities at him.

He doesn't begrudge anyone that-- but as of now-- the thought of other people still makes him jumpy. Suspicious. He's not sure how long that will take to go away.

He doesn't linger on those thoughts, instead he focuses on her. ]

Has it been a week yet?

[purpose]

[ Despite the turn of his head, she doesn't pursue mapping every available inch of skin once his question is out in the open. ]

In a day. [ On second thought: ] Maybe two.

[ If she really pushes her limits, but setting out sooner is the shrewder strategy. Their supplies are running thin, the Resistance doesn't have the resources or manpower to spare her, and the power vacuum created by both Hux's demise and Kylo Ren's disappearance has left the galaxy in an even worse state as all sides scramble for leverage. Selfishly, she has no desire to return to the war they've become entrenched in, but neither can she abandon what family she does have. The same faction that took her in, and now needs her possibly more than ever.

Sugarcoating it would only make it worse for Ben, and so she doesn't mince words by offering a vague answer like "soon" or "not yet". They knew she would inevitably have to reunite with the Resistance, after all; better they're both prepared for it, and planning for it, rather than pretending nothing is amiss. ]

I'll be back. [ She offers this with the hope it'll make up for her absence, somehow. Right now, that's the only promise she can keep. ] And I'll be able to contact you now.

[ Now that he has a datapad, that is, for those times their connection can't make contact. ]

[vaderstan]

[ He honestly-- was asking her for a different reason. In time he'd reflect on the humor that he was stuck in the clouds while she spoke of the practicality of their situation. But for now he rolls with her reassurances and--

While he believes she'll come back for him, that it won't be that long and that he's safe here. It is nice to have her repeat the sentiment.

He keeps his arms tucked around her. Tight and warm-- he wonders if the smell of leather will cling to her skin like it does with his own-- ]

You said if I felt the same in a week I could tell you again.

[ That's where his head is at. Duh, Rey. ]

[purpose]

[ Oh. That. If possible, she sits up even straighter in his hold, suddenly attentive. ]

I did. [ And already he has broken that rule by announcing his love for her repeatedly. Enjoying the sound of it prevents her from pointing that out to him, however; instead, she leaves her reaffirmation as it is. She had promised that, and she isn't reneging on that deal. ] But it hasn't been a week yet.

[ As she's said, they still have a day or two — keeping track of time has been difficult on this remote little island, though she is certain it's more the former than the latter — before they'll reach a week. Maybe the extra day will give her time to consider how to answer, beyond "I know". ]

You can tell me tomorrow.

[ She makes that concession with a press of her lips to his cheek, tilting her forehead against his temple. ]

[vaderstan]

[ He tilts his head to nudge hers-- like. Hint hint Rey. Resume affection giving. He is a cat (I would say murdery Cat but cats are murdery by default). Like yes he wants the attention, but he'd like to assure her Mood is Not Ruined. He understands her limits and that he's been just breaking rules left and right. He is Attempting. Badly, but attempting. ]

I'll be fine. [ That's said definitely to assure her. She's tense about leaving him alone and-- part of him doesn't want her to leave. Part of him would rather her stay here... or maybe they could just take the Falcon and fly away from all of this. Never have to deal with this war ever again.

But he's not foolish enough to ask her to leave her duties. Even if she may attempt it if he asked-- maybe that's entirely the reason he doesn't suggest it. ] I can't go anywhere.

[ He'll just sit here and be Judged by Nuns. ]

[purpose]

[ Truthfully, she doesn't believe him. Not entirely. If anything, she fears it's a hollow sentiment to absolve her of the guilt she feels in leaving him behind, even as she tries to assuage it with reaffirmations that it's only temporary.

Still, she cracks a smile, however faint, at that horrible joke. Selfishly, she enjoys hearing it, knowing that they have this little corner of the galaxy reserved for themselves. That he can't very well take off and abandon her without somehow finagling his way into possessing a ship. More than that, she can comfort herself with the reminder that they are too remote to risk any visitors.

He's safe. And no matter how long she's gone, he'll continue to be safe. Lifting a hand, she strokes it through the disheveled mop his hair has become during their aggressive sex session. ]

I know. [ Her lips quirk, and then fall. ] But I'm still going to miss you.

I like that our icons side eyed RIGHT AT EACH OTHER

[vaderstan]

[ Hair mussing-- he's good with that. Practically purrs when she takes her hand through it. His eyes close briefly and-- with her he's a tamed animal. He didn't mind the thought of that right now. ]

You can contact me whenever you like. [ Not like he has much else to do but sit around and--- stare at Fish Nuns????

He'll figure it out.

Okay but really. He's stretching out his feet and toes even in his Full Kylo Get Up and he's starting to feel a krick developing. He is Certified Old man right now and he's just gonna abuse the right. ] Come on. We should at least find some place more comfortable.

[ IF HES GONNA BE SLEEPING ON ROCKS FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE HE WANTS TO SLEEP ON COMFORTABLE ROCKS. ]

omg i didn't even notice until i looked again

[purpose]

[ That's practically invitation to harass him multiple times a day. She doesn't need the encouragement, really, but it still soothes something inside of her knowing that he welcomes it. Knowing that he wants it. With a nod of her head, she promises herself she'll set aside time to contact him whenever the opportunity presents itself. The Resistance will need her, yes, but so does she, and she can spare herself a few minutes each day to assure him she hasn't forgotten.

In the meantime, however — ]

No. [ Honestly, this is what he gets for falling in love with a brat. Moving means separating themselves from each other, after all. Stubbornly, she drapes herself against him, chest to chest. As if that may weigh him down, somehow. Spoilers: there is not nearly enough weight on her bones to achieve that. ] I'm already comfortable.

[vaderstan]

[ She'll be on a completely different cycle from him and probably accidentally Force time him when he's trying to sleep tbh. Which-- honestly he wouldn't mind being woken up for cuddles he's just that much a Cat. At this moment, however. He's just heaving a sigh and. Nope. Too bad Rey. You do not weigh enough to stop him. He takes a moment to right himself and his hands find her ass as he takes a few smaller steps to right himself and then just. Stands up. Unfortunately the motion means his dick ain't stayin' inside of her and That's a gross noise and he moves quickly to the bench in the main hold so he can skooch back on to it and take Rey with him. Ah.

Cuddling. With Support. (also trying to get his dick back in his pants and do up his fly, thanks Rey.)


And no nuns for the moment. ]

Now I'm comfortable.


[ Give him a minute.













Suddenly he's having



The pregnancy scaRE REALIZATION--


SHIT-- ] Rey-- are you--

[ ON SPACE BIRTH CONTROL OH NO HES SUDDENLY FLASHING BACK TO EVERY LESSON HE SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BACK WITH HIS FATHER BUT HE WAS ROLLING HIS EYES AND TRYING TO ESCAPE. ]

[purpose]

[ She manages a whine of protest, but not much more than that, as he moves and his dick slips out of her with a squelch. Oddly, she feels empty without that connection — in a nonsexual manner, even — but recovers quickly enough when he arranges them on that bench.

It's cold, though no colder than the floor had been against her knees. On the other hand, this is her whole body pressed against a frigid surface now; predictably, she shivers and presses into him to leech warmth, resuming her trend of purposefully, playfully irritating him as she reaches to undo his fly.

And pauses, suddenly. His panic is so strong that she can nearly taste it in her mouth, bitter and anxious. Comically, her fingers stay at his zipper while she lifts her head to blink up at him, at a loss. ]

Am I what?

[ ?????? What's your malfunction, bro. ]

[vaderstan]

[ She's reaching for his fly and this is making the prEGNANCY SCARE REVELATION MORE POTENT. Like at least he's not worried she's CURRENTLY pregnant just that tHERES THE POSSIBILITY AND HE'S SWaTTING AT HER HAND AND HOW DO YOU EVEN SAY THIS-- ]

I didn't use protection.

[ EITHER TIME AND HES FEELING LIKE THE DAMN FOOL HE IS. AND HE HAS NO CREDITS ON HIM CURRENTLY FOR HER TO RUN OUT AND GET PLAN B...


M A J O R PLAN B GIVEN ITS BEEN A WEEK SINCE THEIR FIRST TIME. ]

[purpose]

Ow.

[ What is with Skywalker men swatting at her hand? Understandably, she glowers and yanks her head back, holding it protectively against his chest. Like a cat whose tail has been stepped on and refuses to trust again. To make that similarity even more fitting, she rolls away from him.

As far as she can roll, anyway, which isn't very far. The bench's width doesn't allow for that, and so she ends up with a leg dangling over the edge and an elbow awkwardly positioned on his chest. ]

It's not a big deal.

[ This should be the part where she mentions she's protected. She doesn't. ]

[vaderstan]

[ LIKE YOU ARENT JUST TRYING TO GRAB FOR HIS DICK WHILE HE HAS A BABY CRISIS HERE-- By god biggest clue Rey is a virgin right here she doesn't realize the need to like Not freak Kylo out about this.

ALSO IN WHAT WORLD ARE CHILDREN NOT A BIG DEAL. Honestly Kylo's internal freak out being completely at odds with his external facade of RBF is pretty hilarious???? ]

I don't plan on -- [ ???????????????? WHAT DO YOU EVEN CALL IT??? FAMILY?? PROGENY???? ] -- children any time soon.

[ He's working on sounding like a normal person.




working on it. Not very hard but cool. okay. ]

[purpose]

Neither do I.

[ She gives him a look that translates roughly to "???? obviously" as she turns her head to side-eye him. After a moment of putting the pieces together, however, it finally clicks.

This isn't some prudish panic about coming inside of her, as she had originally suspected. That hadn't been a big deal, given her liking for feeling him spend himself inside of her; knowing he has claimed her in that way is an added bonus. This is about threat of pregnancy, and she isn't cruel enough to drag his panic out and make him believe there's any risk of that occurring.

It isn't. She makes a pointed grab for his hand and places it over her bicep. His thumb presses into the implant inserted beneath her skin, a precaution against infections and unwanted pregnancies. Standard Resistance procedure, at this point. Fraternization isn't discouraged, and no one wants to bring a newborn into the heart of this war. ]

[vaderstan]

[ He makes a noise when she grabs for his hand and is confused for a moment when she puts it to her arm but-- Ah. Cool. His heart rate decreases and-- suddenly he's realizing even panic about a kid is aggravating his Whole Body panic response. It's a wild time in his head right now. Fuck the come leaking out of her and fuck how she was grabbing for his dick earlier- he doesn't care. His hands make to grab around her waist and shoulders and draw her close as he leans back on the couch again-- this time making enough room so he can lay down with her on top of him and-- it's an awkward fit, but she can curl up her legs and he doesn't give a shit he has padding on the couch now.

And she can protest all she wants, but right now his body is nearly shaking and he's trying to coach himself away from the anxious panicking shaking that has become --- routine unfortunately. He'll hold her tight until his heart calms completely. ]

I'll miss you, too.

[ He's nearly always too busy trying to assure her he'll be fine to remember to assure her that she's wanted as well. Whoops. ]

[purpose]

[ Whatever remaining sourness she has over her hand being batted away dissipates in the face of closeness. Awkward as the positioning is, it's a more comfortable fit than half of her limbs balancing precariously over the edge. More than that, she likes the proximity, irritable as she is that she can't fully feel him. Skin to skin contact offers another type of intimacy she has inadvertently denied herself, that she can't achieve while he's fully clothed, but tangling herself around him will have to suffice.

Someone give her credit for not trying to immediately disrobe him. Instead, she sinks more fully into him, holding him down with her weight. Reminding him that she's very real, and very present, as his body trembles from the aftershocks of panic. To further prove it, her mouth presses to his chin, to his cheek, around his mouth as he works to calm himself. ]

You can contact me whenever you want.

[ He had said similar to her, and the offer extends both ways. It's nice, regardless, to know that her absence will be felt. That she's important enough for him to long for her. ]

And you can show me how much you've missed me when I get back.

[vaderstan]

[ He nods, eyes closed and appreciating her overload of affection in this moment as he coaches himself back. Feeling nearly ridiculous for letting the panic nearly over take him. He'd been better about it since that day he collapsed at the door. Storing it away and ignoring it. Unfortunately it was and continues to be for Rey's sake. He'll likely have more attacks-- he tries to ignore it but he knows it in the way his mind twists every once in a while when she isn't latched to his side.

But he'd be okay.

He'd have to be okay.

It was selfish to expect her to remain at his side and foolhardy.

He runs a hand over her back-- ]

Bring enough water so I can fuck you in a hot shower.

[ He's not entirely serious.



Not entirely.

He is taking one last shower in that refresher before she takes off tho.


Though-- on a serious note. ]

Chewbacca was here with you last time. [ He believed he heard his wookiee bitching Which ig he immediately bitched about because HOW DARE HEE EXISTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

And there's another pause before-- ] It's okay if he comes.

[ Because Rey may need support or someone who can like. Take the Falcon if the Resistance needed it for a mission while she stayed here with him. Just. Logistically it makes sense. ]

[purpose]

You can fuck me wherever you want. [ A pause, and then a necessary correction: ] However you want.

[ "Whenever you want" may be an addendum that doesn't need to be added. Kylo Ren doesn't appear to be at the same level of sex-crazed hormonal curiosity that's taken over Rey, now that she's experienced it and awoken her appetite. He might be joking — most of that water they've saved for drinking, a legitimate resource — but she isn't. Wasting water to fuck like animals seems a bit impractical, but — well, she would be easily convinced, and carnal activities are her preferred form of communication when expressing how she feels toward him.

As he starts to calm, so does she. Her mouth flutters against his cheek just once more before she settles her head back onto his collarbone, drawing invisible patterns on his chest with the tips of his fingers. It's... nice. Contenting. Quiet. Surreal, when she considers the state of the galaxy. ]

I don't have to bring anyone if you aren't comfortable with it.

[ Yet, at least. Eventually, he will have to face... well, other faces that don't belong to her. The exposure to Chewbacca would be best for him. Still, she peers up at him, awaiting any cue. ]

[vaderstan]

[ It's more like Kylo Ren has to RECOVER SO YOU DONT FUCK HIS DICK OFF and they had just discussed HEY SEX AND FEELINGS ARE OKAY again. But. I digress. Even then a once fucked Rey discovers she wants to be fucking at every moment of the day for like a week straight. Just throw her food and she's cool.

He feels her eyes on her and glances down to see her watching him intently. A quick curt nod. ]

The wookiee is fine.

[ He is Very not human and also Very trusted. Well-- ] As long as he doesn't shoot me on sight.

[ Which-- he's not putting it past Chewie. He's v v upset about that whole Han thing and. UUgh. He's gonna know something is wrong and

It's not that he doesn't want Chewie around but thinking about explaining why this is happening is So exhausting to just think about. He and Rey have been avoiding the topic and he has been hiding any bruising from her line of sight this entire time. He can't stay silent about it forever-- and maybe it'd get easier with time. But that sounds like a lie he's telling himself to try and smooth the unease in himself over.

Kylo realizes he's brooding in his own head and Rey's, no doubt, getting a full serving of that. ] It's fine. He'll need to be prepared though.

[ Hoping Rey catches on to the meaning that-- Someone will have to talk to Chewie about the circumstances to reduce chance of Death by Chewie Shooting and Finishing the Job. ]

[purpose]

He won't.

[ She says, steady and certain. Chewbacca trusts her and her judgement, and Leia's blessing will surely contribute to his acceptance. Whatever grudges exist there, she can believe that he respects her and General Organa, that he won't oppose them by firing at Kylo Ren the moment he appears. ]

I'll tell him you defected.

[ But that's all. She has agreed to speak with his mother, yes, but she can't continue to do the same with anyone else — Chewbacca included. It isn't her place and, hypocritical as it is for her to say, he can't keep running from what has happened to him. Repressing it, refusing to speak for it, and hiding behind her — it won't help him, in the long run. If he decides to tell Chewbacca himself, that's his choice. If he chooses not to, that's his choice. She won't press him in either direction. ]

[vaderstan]

[ He nods then-- understanding her meaning and accepting it. Honestly, it would be for the best that she didn't become his only means of communication and as tempting as it is to lean on her heavily... he doesn't want that anymore than she does. Though part of him really.... really wants that.

He just wraps his arms around her even more tightly and keeps her tucked close and adjusts his chin so it rests on her head-- ]

Thank you. [ For-- a lot. For everything.

God he'd miss her. ]

I missed you before this. [ From that moment on crait when she shut the door ]

[purpose]

[ Now is not the opportune time to remind him that he had forced her hand, that he had nearly wiped out the Resistance and her with it. Briefly, it skitters across her mind, but there's no resentment attached to the memory. It is what it is; even if she had believed, at the time, he truly wanted her gone — even if she had been unwilling to speak with him in the aftermath, waiting for him to come to her with his regret — she doesn't believe it now.

Too much has changed for them, and she has never felt bitter. Only disappointed, devastated, by his decisions. ]

I've always been here. [ Is what she tells him instead. It feels true. Regardless of how she had cut herself off from him, she hadn't disappeared. She had only been biding her time, hoping that light would prevail over the darkness calling to him. ] I was waiting for you to come back.

[vaderstan]

[ A soft noise and his mouth twitches slightly at that. He can feel the thoughts flit through her head and he doesn’t begrudge her. He wanted to kill her— or drive her away or— god. He’s not sure. The panic that had just been set off was similar to what he felt then. Hurt and afraid and as if everything had been torn out from under him again.

He wanted to hurt and maul and tear until the entirety of existence hurt as much as he did.

He supposes, in some way, he succeeded. He did exactly as he intended.

And what was the truth of the matter now? Where did his loyalties lie? What were his goals?

Certainly not with the Resistance. Not with the cause of the Rebellion or the Republic and he’s still feeling that whole. Fuck the Jedi deal. His loyalties lay with Rey and Rey alone. Now more than ever. And it really was too much to put on one person. He knew that. But both of them had their hands forced and— what else could they really manage with the hands they were dealt. ]

I’m not sure I’m fully “back”.

[ he can admit that much. He only hopes she understands. ]

[purpose]

You came back to me.

[ She amends, despite understanding his implications. He isn't Ben Solo, and neither is he Kylo Ren. His identity sits somewhere between, in a nebulous space, where he is and isn't both. Even so, that isn't how she had intended her sentiment. Her fingers find his and squeeze, trying to garner his attention completely.

No one has ever truly come back to her. Finn had been the first, and Ben exists as the second. It means much more than she can express, given that she has spent her life waiting for a family that had never returned to her. ]

That's all that matters.

[ Even if he's to become some amalgamation of who he was before Snoke and who he had been beneath his thumb, he's allowed the light to prevail, to co-exist with his darkness. ]