Welcome one. Welcome all. I have brought all of you here today to say that YOU WERE LIED AND DECEIVED BY THE FORCES OF HOLLYWOOD AND UNCHECKED CAPITALISM. 'How?' You ask. And yes. I shall answer. It is simple:
The ending of the Rise of Skywalker was wrong
Wait. Excuse me. WHAT THE FUCK?
You read correctly, dear friends. Someone fucked with the editing of Rise of Skywalker and it changed the entire ending of the movie. It changed the characterization of three key characters and it's clear this was against the creator's wishes. I'll be breaking this down into a few key sections. What were the changes, Why I believe these changes were made (and made last minute), and do I consider this ending more or less canon then the theatrical ending. So. JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE FRIEND
The plot changes/editing change
It's fairly simple. They changed Leia's role in the plot, this changed the entire direction of the last few minutes of the movie. Let me break the timeline down
โ Deathstar fight on the ocean still happens, Ben is distracted by Leia reaching out to him. She either still enters her "disappointment son" coma here, or perhaps simply just reaches out to him.
โ From here, the plot continues as normal. Ben and Rey both get to the sith rave separately.
โ Rey Dies
โ Ben Revives her and dies.
โ Leia chooses THIS MOMENT to die and give her life to her son
โ Ben is revived. He and Rey kiss.
โ Move to conclusion
WHAT EVIDENCE DO I HAVE THESE CHANGES WERE MADE (and at the last moment)
Take in note, my evidence is circumstantial, but circumstantial evidence still counts as proof
โ Leia's final role in the movie is insanely unclear. She also takes 12 hours to actually die or something. Again. Confusing
โ Ben's final words, as of this moment, are "OW". Adam Driver said he was nervous about his final dialogue in the movie to the point he stressed about it on the flight over. And. Man. IDK about you but OW seems a little unstressful to say
โ There was no Force Ghost Ben, a decision that is baffling story wise. It would take any competent VFX team hardly any effort to throw a ghostly adam driver next to Leia and Luke. And this would be advantageous to add to the plot if Ben was going to die, give that final bit of closure to the Skywalker fam.
โ Rey's near LACK of emotion over his death. Go watch her realize she has to leave Ben behind in TLJ and tell me that the difference isn't noticeable. It's completely against her character.
โ The weird beats of Leia going into her disappointment son coma and the other strange beats of Ben's death. Especially the fact that you only see him disappear in like. one shot.
โ None of the cast thought he was going to die
โ Wow I wonder why Adam Driver is adamant about never wanting to do star wars at this point?
โ Wow, why does disney keep resetting the character poll of who is the most anticipated character of this movie????
โ The prophecy about Ben's death is completely unnecessary at this point. If it was brought up during TFA, it's understandable to put that thread there. Instead it's in the last movie when his death seems to be a foregone conclusion???
โ So Rey's fine for Luke and Leia even tho she's palpatines kid, but Luke and Leia don't seem all that bothered by Ben's death??????
โ This was supposed to be Leia's film and complete her arc. And while I understand that there was a lack of footage to use for her, it's odd that she ended up not playing much of a role beyond "Distract Ben so he gets stabbed ig"
โ Every single hole in characterization for Luke, Leia, and Rey, every strange beat that didn't really make sense in Ben and Rey's fight on the ocean and during their ??? Mutual deaths???? and the some how rushed and dragged on ending can be solved by a simple solution. Occam's razor, Ben was never meant to die permanently.
โ The fact that there was no final dialogue for Ben after his talk with his father suggests he had something significant to say after his resurrection
โ The fact that they didn't have a cut of Rey absolutely LOSING HER MIND over losing to, what amounts to, the other half of her soul suggests that she was never supposed to lose him permanently
โ The fact that there is no Ben Ghost means that they didn't have the time to slip that in before pushing it out to theaters
โ The way the final scenes with Rey are shot and edited are, again, weird, off balance. It seems like it ends WAY TOO QUICKLY and far too on the nose.
โ no but really guys. His final words are "OW"
โ As for WHO changed it, because of the fact that this is clearly an edit job done at the last minute? I'm putting my money on a CEO that is above Kathleen Kennedy and JJ Abrhrams. I think their hands are tied ATM. This is the ending that had been planned for, this is the ending they wanted, otherwise there would not be such big holes that felt weird and dishonest to the characters. And, like, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo was JJ's child, he wouldn't have done him dirty like this.\
THEATRICAL ENDING/TRUE ENDING
I'm sure opinions would be divided on which ending is canon depending on the person. The theatrical ending will be what's considered canon in the universe of star wars at large. For myself, I find it hard to deny the creators and filmmakers the right to present the story they wanted to tell. So, in that way, both endings are true for me. Though, I am biased-- both as someone who is an artist myself and someone who adores Kylo Ren's/Ben Solo's character-- I like the story the film team were trying to tell over the agenda that whoever pushed for these changes had. Personally, I believe it pushes Star Wars as a universe forward into new territory rather than keep it stagnant in the same old same old that it's always been. Plus. this maintains the integrity of Luke, Leia, and Rey's characters, Ben was never forgotten, far too gone, or unloved. Leia gave him one final gift, a second chance.
That said, I'm not pushing this ending on anyone. I won't be playing it by default. I would rather ask permission or have someone else bring it up.
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literaldumpsterfire2020-01-04 09:58 am
okay porgs were first on his ideas list, then booze, then finding something for her to fix
I'll attempt to take that as a compliment.
[ He doesn't feel like it is, though.
Here, he's going to just shift his and her positions on the bunk so he's reclining on a small stack of cushions and she can just lay on top of him. No dicking involved, this just feels like the "Safe"/"No one can invade our bubble" position. ] If I took the title of Prince I could possibly force them to like you whenever they step foot on Naboo.
[ Can u fukkin imagine ]
all A++ ideas tbh, good thinking Ben
Just don't call her boomer, it's fine.It was a compliment! She always sort of knew that deep down underneath the layers of asshole there was a soft Ben Solo who cursed like his parents and made a good cushion to lie on and would let her play with porgs if she asked.
Rey will sort of lie with her chin resting on her arms which are folded on his chest and eye him thoughtfully.]
I don't want you forcing anyone to do anything, but have you given it any actual consideration? Claiming your title, I mean?
[On some level she knows this might be a bad idea, but on the other... Naboo sounds like a nice place to hide for a while.]
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I don't know. [ Honest answer. there's been a lot going on in the past 24 hours and thinking about trying to become an actual Prince is just something his brain refuses to compute atm.
But if he thinks on it honestly, he does have a reservation that could be a little surprising. ]
I'd rather your friends get settled with the idea of me being alive before we make that decision.
[ It's not entirely about friendships and rainbows, because he can imagine the ensuing shit show that would happen if they got him diplomatic immunity right out of the gate with out any input from the three he just had to field. But-- they would need the Resistance on their side. This could turn into a political shit storm if he undermined a number of planets by sneaking in under the radar. Like. He is not gonna be mengele in argentina. He wants to be able to leave the planet at some point with Rey with out fear that they'll unintentionally cause an intergalactic crisis. ]
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It would be good to have a political shield against any individual thoughts of revenge.]
I think Rose and Finn will come around to understanding, eventually.
[She sighs and glances around to see if BB-8 is anywhere in hearing range.]
Poe may be a lost cause, honestly. He'll probably stop letting me borrow BB-8 as long as you're around.
[She'll miss the little droid if that's the case, but Poe had every right to be angry with her. And he didn't entirely trust talk of the Force, so the whole dyad thing isn't going to be very convincing.]
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All the more reason we shouldn't make it seem as though we want to undermine their feelings on the matter.
[ They're going to need all the support they can get.
And she's sprawled on top of him now so-- he's gonna start futzing with her hair. It's there, his hands are idle. he needs something to do. ]
They'll have more questions, are you prepared to answer them?
[ From where he is right outside this situation in this specific drama, he can tell that some part of this is a result of Rey just not explaining her honest emotions on the matter. They'll probably want to know more about what the fuck happened and how. ]
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She's quiet for a minute except for a small noise of enjoyment once his hands find her hair. She's thinking about it, all of it. Ben's being more reasonable than she is, which is odd, but fine. Entirely fine.]
I'm happy to answer what I can once they can ask me without devolving into a screaming match. I don't want to undermine anyone's feelings.
[She just wants her own to matter this time. Finally.]
I just want you safe.
[That last part is a small, almost-whispered confession because the thought of losing him again threatens to break her. She cannot go through the last sixteen days again. And she's not sure she can handle it if they're somehow forcibly separated like she's sure some people will want once the explanation of the Force dyad is more fully out there.]
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Then itโs a good thing Iโm with you.
[ safest place in the universe.
Ah. It looks like lando and the rest have checked in with bb-8 and are on their way back. If the droids chirping is to be believed at least. At the very least it doesnโt sound as though they need to make an emergency escape. (This was mostly a clothes and provisions for the SUDDENLY RESURRECTED SON pick up) They will have to wait a bit before fucking on the holo chess unfortunately
But really. Even hearing that they have their small crew coming back with provisions for his dumbass just kind of reassured him of the obvious. ]
Weโll figure it out. [ because some how they always do even I the shittiest of circumstances. So they have a pretty good track record so far. Okay except for the part where they both died. But YOU CANT WIN THEM ALL ]
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But really, not wanting him dead is enough. She'll fight the entire galaxy. Rey is... still not quite back to herself. She's getting there. But the cracks are where the Dark gets in, and she'd been starting to crack a little.
The others are coming back, so they don't really have time to get into anything more involved, but. Rey still leans up so she can kiss him, this time with a little more of the sheer fierce determined desperation that she felt to keep him anchored to her at all times now that he's returned.
She's figured out how she's going to practice her explanations to the others, and it's going to involve the one person on this ship who needs convincing. She's going to talk to Jannah.
But first: moar kissing.]
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But he can handle kissing. Kissing is good. Heโs not pushing any serious intimacy since reys still. In a certain mood. But gentle touches and pressing his mouth to hers seems safe right now. She gets to determine the speed and intensity at this time. ]
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She knows she's a little bit broken, but that's not on him. It was Palpatine, or the past year and change of war, or dying a little. Or, you know, life. The weight of being the last of the Jedi and that being entirely too much for her to carry when she'd thought she was going to do it without any of the people who knew what that felt like.
But it's better now. Some of it. The thing that had been most immediately wrong, anyway. The rest of it was going to be an issue whether he was here or not, so it's better that he is.]
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And 'There' right now includes her pressing herself rather tightly to his body. Okay, cool. He's able to roll with that clear sign. He angles his mouth against hers and has to use one of his hands to leverage himself up into more of a Make out position. His other hand skims along her back and Holy shit they can FINALLY GET TO LIKE.... first base??? I think? idek.
Either way he's opening his mouth and letting his tongue run along the seam of her lips, asking for entry.
Lets just hope BB-8 keeps to himself and doesn't BARGE IN TO THROW MORE CONDOMS AT THEM I GUESS. ]
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It's not a perfect kiss; they're both too inexperienced with each other and in general for that. But what she lacks in experience Rey is more than willing to make up for in enthusiasm and curiosity. She's exploring rather than demanding, and letting him discover her in return.
And if kriffing BB-8 rolls in here Rey's just gonna turn the makeout session up to eleven just to see how embarrassed a droid is capable of getting.]
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But Ben doesn't need perfect, all he needs is Rey. And every bit of this kiss is reflecting that. His nose will bump hers a couple of times before he gets the angle down correctly and he has to remind himself to breathe. There's a pleasant heat that builds in his chest and crawls along his skin-- And some part of him now understands why relationships had been banned for Jedi. And even why Luke wouldn't allow any nookie at his hippie Jedi Camp.
This was definitely going to distract him. Like, the thought of it had been a thing he had several times and brushed off and tried to push aside. And now that he's had it, he won't be able to brush it off.
Another soft breath with an even softer sound. He's not really "riled up" yet, but his knees shift up and keep her in her current Near Straddle position and once her tongue meets his he's going to clasp a hand behind her neck and pull her in close so he can suck on it rather suggestively. Like. He definitely isn't here for neat clean perfect make outs. He chose a desert gremlin, he wants that sloppy gross sticky mess. ]
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They definitely don't get a say right now, with Ben doing that sucking thing that draws a soft noise from her throat. It's so, so easy to get lost in this. This moment. This feeling of greedy lips and tongues exploring one another and her hands in his hair and having to stop and remind herself how breathing is supposed to work. It's so easy to let the world narrow down to just Ben and her and nothing else.
She wonders, in some dim distant place beyond thought, if everything with him is so heightened because of the dyad or if knowing that would even matter. It's not a question she particularly wants to examine now.]
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Cool. Well. It was nice having some early tween make out session time. Lord knows Ben Solo never got even this far. But he's all about being an over achiever, so, don't mind him as his grip on her waist and neck tightens and he flips their positions. Him hovering over her and pressing her down into the bunk.
Lando and BB-8 would like to pop into my bracket text and say this is the exact bullshit they predicted so they deserve a "good looking out" reward. But that is besides the point.
The point being, right now he's changed the trajectory of his mouth, dragging his lips over her jaw and down to her neck. Any thought of the others about to walk straight on to this ship soon is forgotten in favor of exploring the skin of hers he can reach with his mouth. ]
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Rey's small surprised gasp at the sudden change in position is followed by a second or two in which she just... entirely forgets how to function. It's not as though she hasn't enjoyed all the slow, gentle stuff that has come before. They'd both been exhausted, overwhelmed, and trying not to jump directly into bad ideas.
This is probably bad idea territory, especially given how it's much closer to the places she'd let her mind wander the few times she'd allowed herself the sin of considering. What it would be like. Back when they were still supposed to be enemies.
The way she looks at him in that moment of surprise, pupils dilating with need -- it probably reveals a little more of her private imaginings than she'd otherwise be comfortable with. If she were really thinking about it.
Fortunately, she's not, and after she recovers from her initial surprise she's going to ball her fist up in the fabric of his shirt and pull herself up the small remaining distance to meet him, to encourage him to keep doing what he's doing.
She'll let her head fall back to allow him as much access to that spot on her neck that earns him another soft gasp, and tangle her legs around his so no one's going anywhere anytime soon, the rest of the crew be damned.]
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So when her legs tangle with his and she lets her head loll back to give him more access as he softly kiss and sucks at the skin there, he knows immediately the leeway she's granting him. And this isn't helping one iota with any drop of self-control he's had. He'd just underestimated how much his own stubborn denial of what he had felt had pent up and needed to be resolved.
At least??? They're both??? Clothed???? Right now????
But that isn't deterring him. Not as his hand traces delicate lines over her body, first finding purchase at her hip to help her settle against him more comfortably--and then that same hand travels up to grasp at a breast through cloth. Kneading and pinching and just not helping with the whole "self control" aspect, but definitely wanting to know what noises she will make from the contact.
I'm runnin off to disneyland for the rest of the day again but if u wana make Lando pop up next tag I'm A-Okay w that. okAY TIME OT GO ENJOY A CAPITALIST DYSTOPIA BYE]lord I spent 24 hours dealing with sick children pls send help enjoy Disney!
This is... nothing like that, she finds. His touch sends an electric thrill through her that she wants more of, now and as much as possible. She arcs up into him for better contact, and her hand tangles in his hair to drag him back up for another kiss, this one open-mouthed and needy and desperate for more.
...
That she's not going to get right now, because it's at that exact moment that she hears Lando's voice over the ship's comm announcing the arrival of their small party.
Rey nearly screams in frustration and lets loose a string of curses in a number of languages that put Ben's "nerf herder" entirely to shame. Fuck fuck FUCK this is the worst timing in the history of the galaxy, Lando.]
What if I just send more children.
Kind of hilariously wonderful.
A soft short burst of air leaves his lungs in an approximation to laughter. At least he hadnโt gotten that excited yet. Pushing off of Rey is still just. Not great, but his dick hadnโt come to the party yet.
โWe found another Wookiee that has clothes about your size, Ben,โ oh cool. Thanks lando. He didnโt want to actually be wearing clothes at all right now, but cool. Fine. Thanks.
โ and now thereโs the sound of BB-8 rolling around and it seems like he got into Landos way since the next sentence from his mouth is:
โOh, am I interrupting something??โ
KILL HIM.
Donโt worry, Rey. Heโs handling this. He rolls off the bunk and straightens his hair as much as possible before activating the door switch. ]
You have something for me?
[ the shit eating grin on landos face shows he KNOWS he interrupted something.
โMaybe. Depends on how you ask.โ
REY PLEASE MURDER LANDO FOR HIM. BEN IS TRYING TO BE REFORMED AND A GOOD PERSON BUT LANDO IS CLOSE TO D E A T H RIGHT NOW. ]
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Get it together, Rey. You're a Jedi. You're probably not the worst Jedi, but that's the lowest bar in the world.
It's fine. It's fine, she needs to talk to Jannah anyway. Step 1: talk to Jannah. Step two: lose your mutual virginity with your resurrected space boyfriend before either of you die again or anyone has another breakdown.
She hops off the bed and gives her clothes a quick once-over to make sure nothing's obviously too disheveled (thankfully she hasn't bothered with that weird impractical chiffon wrap, which would have just gotten in the way of every last thing she wanted to do on this ship, from fixing things to playing with porgs to whatever she and Ben are gonna get up to eventually.) Then she'll step around BB-8, who is just trying his best to make sure the space kids get at least a small amount of privacy, and address Lando herself.]
"Thank you, Lando. Do you mind if I borrow Jannah for a few minutes?
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โGo right ahead.โ Lando moves to the side to let her through and Ben is just mourning what could have been a really great time.
Once Rey is out of the way Lando just gets this Look that means nothing good for our prince of darkness.
First off, clothes. He did manage to find things in Bens size with the help of Chewbacca. But nothing like what Kylo Ren wore and everything that Han Solo wore. Iโm talking a shirt that just Fits in all the right places. Henley, vest, fitted pants, a belt for holding tools (and a blaster if they ever trust him again), and even a pair of half gloves and this outfit is illegal. Itโs super illegal. Good luck whenever you find him in that shit Rey. Because landos other dastardly plan???
Putting Ben to work as they are still just. Doing repairs on this ship. Which is also where the belt comes in handy. Itโs not just for accentuating is waist!!!!
I think. IDK. Lando has strange priorities.
So take off isnโt for a bit as they are replacing parts and reconnecting wiring(and chewie is feeding his children), and the next time Rey will find Ben... heโs gonna be in the bowels of the ship. Half hanging off a pipe and just. Pacha meme on dat ass tho. CAN JANNAH EVEN RESIST??? ]
writes this high on Nyquil thanks kids for the plague
Then she'll ask Jannah to join her at the bar for a drink and a chat. A peace offering. That she needs to be just the tiniest bit less tense for, okay? Look, don't judge her; it's 5 o'clock somewhere in the galaxy.]
"I know I've been difficult. This must be hard to wrap your head around; please trust me when I say it still is for me, too."
[Jannah nods a little warily, but she seems to slowly relax and listen as Rey continues to talk, and as the alcohol starts to make them both a little less twitchy. Rey does her best to explain the connection that she'd felt - that she's always felt, and the unshakeable sense that Ben Solo had belonged in the Light.]
"Do you remember what made you leave the First Order, just risk everything and go? It's like that. It's what led me to Ben, and what eventually led him back to the Light. We can't undo what he did, but if you'll give him a chance, I believe he'll try to make things as right as possible. We just need a few more people firmly on our side to buy him the time."
Jannah, as it turns out, has had a long talk with Lando about the person Ben Solo had been, and how young he'd actually been around the time Snoke and Palpatine had targeted him. It didn't undo the actions of Kylo Ren, but it put them in perspective. She'd never been specifically targeted by the man and she'd still felt the effects. First Order brainwashing was no joke for anyone involved. But she'd walked away. And she'd been given the room to grow and change. Who was she to deny that chance to another, if he was really serious about it?
"I can't speak for anyone else, but he's Lando's family and your... whatever... so I'm willing to try."
It's all Rey can ask. She offer Jannah a brief, slightly awkward hug of gratitute, puts down her empty glass, and goes off to find out where underneath the ship Ben and Lando have gotten to.
Rey is absolutely, entirely not prepared for the sight of Ben in Han Solo cosplay. Her jaw just drops and she stands there staring in an entirely undignified manner as he sets aside the tool he'd been using and picks up another. And he's just slightly dirty already, but it adds to the overall effect, Rey thinks.]
... Um. Hi.
Rings bell and screams BRING OUT UR DEEEEEEEEEEAD
here you are. this is visual reference to what Ben Solo is currently doing. He got roped into this because Chewbacca is Too large and Lando is Too old and HES YOUNG AND STRONG AND KNOWS THIS SHIP and kill him, he's been digging out porg feathers and tightening screws and bolts and had at least one hydrospanner hit him in the head already and this.
this is why he hates this ship.
Ben makes a noise that could be nearly clocked as a replica of the frustrated noises Han would make. Don't point it out. ]
Hi. [ He can only give her a shrug of acknowledgement and he is doing his very best to maintain a steady hold on this finnicky bullshit in here. Give him a sec and you'll have his full attention Rey. ]
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Rey is torn between just... appreciating the view, and actually offering to help. The frustration just makes him wildly more attractive in this particular context. It is like Han, and that's bittersweet enough that she'll never mention it.]
Do you need another set of hands?
[Rey's just gonna put herself within arms reach so he can ask her for wrenches or whatever. And not at all so she can get a better look at the whole... situation. Nope. Not a bit of checking out going on here.
How is it possible he's this attractive without trying? Utterly unfair.]
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I'm almost finished. [ Strained as he has to stretch and get under something that was a LOT easier to get under when he was ten. And-- Yeah. Okay, no wonder the cooling systems were reading strangely. There definitly was a porg burrow in here that no one managed to find. He's just going to be pulling out more feathers and clearing out and reconnecting a few parts. And this is when he finally glances over his shoulder to Rey who
is staring at him very intently.
huh. ]
Tell Lando and Chewie to try flushing the systems again.
[ He's now gotta get his large ass out of this hole. Unwrapping himself from the tangle he's created as if he were a pretzel and not human. ]
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isn't the desire to fuck han solo just part of the galaxy's collective consciousness?
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current soundtrack: desire by meg myers. you're welcome.
LMFAO I'm tagging u at an airport gate sO UR WELCOME TOO
ofc now I've just got Lin Manuel Miranda singing you're welcome in my brain gj self
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these icons ruin everything lmfao
you misspelled "enhance the entire experience exponentially"
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remember the good old days when it was just Rey on the verge of a panic attack?
honestly we're all impressed he's kept it together this long
They are a relay race of keeping it together. It's a balance.
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I literally fell asleep halfway through writing this last night lmao
LMFAO. It was your intentions that counted most
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i didn't write this at the dentist, go me
I DIDNT WRITE THIS AT WORK GO US
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hey fam. wanna come rip out my uterus these cramps are killing my vibe
my kids gave me their sore throat. shares advil and general lack of vibe.
Work was being a dick so here I am back
my household had the plague so we all lose
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